A Peace of Me

Couple Blog

2010-11-10T11:18:00.001-07:00

Hey everyone...

I started a blog to "track" Ryan and I's new life together. Its simple...but hopefully it will grow just like our love.

http://trackingpack.blogspot.com/

Burn through

2010-09-14T22:50:00.004-06:00

Holy cow! I burned through almost 100 pages of journal in only 3 months. I guess I had a lot to write about with Ryan coming into my life. That being said, I have no journal pages left but have things on my mind I want to write out. My blog gets the blunt of it all...

School.
This semester started off pretty rough. I felt like I couldn't handle my roles at work, school and my new role as a wife. Never before in my college career have I actually been on top of my homework. For some reason this semester, I felt it more important than ever to actually be able to in line with the syllabus schedule. I more a few things around and dropped down to 12 credits.

It has already been such a huge relief. For once I feel like I am enjoying my university education. For once I feel like I am actually making good use of tithing money.
I feel so blessed to hold such a precious gift--My education is funded by sacred money. That's pretty amazing. That thought makes me feel even more obligated to succeed.

Sociology has become one of my favorite courses. Socio 111 filled in blank spots in my Spring semester and Socio 112 has done the same for this semester. Although, they were both fill ins, I feel like I have gained so much insight in those classes. At some points in class discussion, I worry that I allow too much of "society" to effect me. It is so fascinating to me that even though the Lord gave us agency, because of the way society is organized and structured there are so many choices we think we're making...but we're really not. Weird right?

Work.
After being out for three weeks I was sooooo excited to get back to the office. When I got back, everything seemed to have spun out of control.

I guess as a manager (and maybe sometimes in my general life) I'm a control freak. I got back to the office and things weren't being done my way. I guess they were doing things the same way as always but I just hadn't been able to keep an eye on everything.

I love my job. The people I work with have become such good friends. I respect them all so much for their different talents and abilities. I love the chance I get to lead and the chance I get to learn how to lead. I love that I feel more prepared and comfortable in making my opinion known.

Love.
Wow. Everyday I am more amazed at how blessed I am just to have a husband. Not just any husband either- Ryan Packard.

Tonight I was working on homework at the kitchen table and he came up next to me, put his arms around me and kissed me on the forehead. He didn't let go for a while. He picked me up in his arms (like Daddy used to pick me up when I was little) and carried me over to the couch just so he could hold me.

My husband is a teacher. He allows to spirit to direct the way he approaches discussions. He is dedicated to family prayer and scripture study. He is worthy of and uses his priesthood authority in our home.

Ryan doesn't ever hesitate to show his love. He tells me every morning how beautiful I am. He writes sweet messages in my lunch every day. He speaks to me so gently.

Life.
When I think about all that I have been given, I recognize my potential. I also recognize that the Lord expects so much. I want to be the willing and faithful servant. I want to be trained in such a way that I am useful to the building up of the kingdom.

I know the Lord loves. I know He provides. I feel His presence in the programs, organizations and practices here at BYU and within the church. I know that agency was a special, special gift that I cannot yet comprehend the importance of. I love the Lord and His church.

I am grateful.

Moon, ocean, heart.

2010-09-12T17:38:00.000-06:00

Honeymoon.

Sunday after all of the wedding festivities we flew out to Cozumel. Holy cow was it gorgeous. Our resort was all inclusive and the food was fantastic.

The water, clear and blue. The waves, slow and calming. The sun, warm and toasting.

There is just something about a beach that is so different. Its not that its romantic but it puts everything else beside. You just want to lay in the sun and fall asleep.

My sisters are expecting juicy details but there won't be any. Sorry...there will be none. ;)
I will say that I loved having a DVD player in our room. We cuddled every night and fell asleep to a movie. Court Jester is def a new favorite of mine. Brecken....nice ring to it eh?

Its probably strange to say but I think we were really ready to get back to real life. We were so excited to start living it together.

Life.

The drive to Utah was boring as usual. The first week of school stressed me to the bone with work, homework, and trying my best to be the little wifey I wanted to be. I've had to realize that things will come with time. Right now, life has too much going on. We're finally starting to settle in and I'm finally feeling okay with our routine. We have long days but at least we get to come home to each other.

Ryan has already brought the strength of the spirit into our home. Counseling with my husband is fun and reassuring. We are doing are best to reach the goals that we have set for our tiny new family. Slowly, we learn about one another. Slowly, I am becoming to rely more on him for my world. These past few weeks haven't been the bliss I expected but they have taught me so many good things and I feel bliss in all of that knowledge.

My husband loves. My husband is the joy behind my smile. My husband fills in all of my many gaps.

I love you Ryan Packard.

Love,
Mrs. Packard

Here are a few pictures of the beginnings of our little house.

Honey, suga, life.

2010-09-12T17:29:00.000-06:00

Sorry guys. I know its been a while. Life has kinda of taken me by the reigns lately.

I finally got married. We had to kind of jump right back into things. Ryan I had little time to adjust to our new life together. That's my excuse for being so behind on updates.

The Day.
Before, everyone told me that no matter what you do, you will have some regrets about the way you did your wedding. I don't have those. My big day was a perfect day.

Kneeling across from the man of my dreams in the House of the Lord--what could be better. That was the sweetest experience of my life. We both got dressed after the ceremony but sat in the temple writing down our feelings before we went outside to meet everyone. Mandi had done my flowers in a frantic the night before and they were beautiful, exactly what I wanted.

Going outside was a bit of a rush. Strange though, that I felt so completely calm inside knowing I had Ryan by my side and that he would be there forever.

I think one of the greatest blessings of that day was having all of my wonderfully beautiful siblings there. I couldn't have asked for something more special or eternal. Over the past few years my family has grown so near and dear to my heart. More so than I think I would've imagined.

We fried outside in the sun taking pictures then hurried to the luncheon.

We got to the reception hall early and it looked perfect. It was so beautiful, my fairytale. Guest started arriving and greeting them felt so good to say "this is my husband." We had a blast dancing and I loved watching little Gavin boy drop it like its hot.

At the end of the night I was so ready to just be with Ryan, to have him all to myself. The next day was just as hectic with the open house.

Soft as mud...

2010-06-11T00:48:00.000-06:00

Life, Love-its been a crazy ride lately.

I haven't had much time to write in my journal lately. So this post will serve as a tiny update...

School is same ole' same ole'- thank goodness the semester is almost over.
Work is a little more exciting because a ton of neat new phones are being released. Hello iPhone 4 and Evo has got me hooked.

I'm sure mostly anyone who reads my blog will know buuuut I am engaged! Wow. Crazy right? Crazy exciting is what you better be thinking because oh boy it is. I never thought things would happen the way they have. My life molded itself so much differently than I expected-and I am so happy it did.

Ryan, oh Ryan.

You swept me off my feet. I love your sweet little rhymes that you write for all of your schemes. I love that you bought me an entire bag of Sonic ice because I was craving it one night. I love that you sing-sing-and sing some more. I love that you make me better without even trying and that you don't judge. I love that you came to the temple with me on my birthday and that we can share those quiet moments.

You just love and it amazes me. You are kind and gentle. Your smile calms. Your strong hands make me feel safe and needed at the same time. You reassure me in my insecurities. The Lord is your priority and it shows in the way you care for everyone around you. Family is your heart and you work so hard to make sure you're a good older brother.

You're it baby. It hit me hard and it hit me quick. I am so excited to be your wife.

A body of heart.

2010-04-02T21:58:00.000-06:00

This week-oh, this week. Never thought so much could happen in such a short period of time!

It seems that at this point in my life that everything pivots-churning my future possibilities. No need to go into detail, but I'll say that I was completely content-until lightening of love cracked and the thunder of worry shook. Yieee.

Thursday, I skipped class and went to the temple, looking for solace and the voice of the Lord. I was blessed to have quite a few family names that Dad had sent me and I was shipped to the front of the line. For those of you who don't know, the Provo temple is the busiest in the world. Usually, it takes at least two hours to do baptism and confirmations for only three names. I guess when you have family names though, its a different story. I didn't even get a chance to sit and think. Don't get me wrong, the temple ALWAYS brings a calmness. This time it did too. I just wish I would've had more of a chance to get my head straight.

Tonight, left alone to download heaps of music, my body felt a familiar ache. So I went to the dance studio. I feel renewed. Light; as if a balloon in my back eased out all of the air pressuring me. I love to watch every inch of my body sustain through the music; inch by inch by inch. My thoughts burst through my finger tips.
I may lose my mind; but dance always finds my heart and soul.

End Note:
General Conference is this weekend. We are so blessed to have a prophet on the Earth. I know that this weekend will be full of revelation and goodness. Hope you all tune in. Check out---www.lds.org---for some info and highlights.

Business Time.

2010-03-16T21:14:00.000-06:00

Okay, so the title of this post may remind you of a clever song by Flight of the Concords. However, that is not its intended meaning.

A few months ago, I was promoted to be the student manager at work. The job entails a lot. I am in charge of pretty much everything that goes on in our office; making sure everything is run efficiently, customers are happy, and we're not costing people hundreds of dollars. I also get to interview and hire people. I was promoted a few days before we began looking for a new employee and it was scary to me to have to judge someone like that; to discern how their character would function in the workplace. I ended up somehow (probably by the grace of the Holy Ghost) hiring a FANTASTIC guy! He has been spectacular! However, our last seasoned veteran of the office was just elected to be a BYUSA officer, deeming him unable to work on campus.That means I have to start the hiring process all over again, adding even more things to my busy schedule like reading over resumes' and interviewing.

I love my job so much. I enjoy learning about business and they way large "corporations" work internally. The professional world has become a comfortable place for me. I understand when it is appropriate to joke and when work needs to get done. I love being important and in charge. I think I function better that way...it doesn't hurt that the people I work with make me soooo happy!

Other than work, life is pretty mediocre. I go to school, work, then home for homework. Some dance I go pound out on the floor of the dance studio or run on the quiet nature trails by the river. My mind is constantly running. I have little time to sit in quiet--even when I do my mind is ever racing.

Saturday I got to go to the temple. The temple always allows me to get my thoughts in order. I still think about all I was thinking before, but in the temple I can sort those thoughts. That organization in my brain brings me peace.

I love life and the beautiful spring weather we have had lately. Being outside without goosebumps is a GREAT feeling.

Shiny like Sterling silver....

2010-02-22T08:26:00.000-07:00

Last semester in my media writing class, I had to choose an person I thought was interesting and write a paper about them. I chose one of the other students that works in the BYU Cell Phone Office with me- Sterling May. We stayed after work for an hour or so and I grilled him about his life.

I was so impressed by his willingness and excitement to make people feel cared for. He always has a smile on his face. He always tries his best to put a smile on yours.

In our interview he talked about his older sister Elyse May. He said she was his inspiration and that "she just has this fire about her." Little does he realize he has a fire himself. Driven to serve, excited to care, Sterling continues to impress me with character and spirit.

He loves the Lord and shares that through his service. I so respect him and feel blessed to have been able to work so closely with him the last few months. I have enjoyed getting to know him and watching stupid youtube videos with him. He is clever and jolly and is running for BYUSA vice president with his friend Chris Peterson.

Vote for Sterling and Chris. They want you to Make BYU Yours.

The Spirit of Love

2010-02-14T21:20:00.000-07:00

Valentines Day.

I was dreading this day. Previous to this weekend I decided to boycott chick-flicks. I refused to be depressed because I missed Brennen. I was alone and didn't have anyone to share this day of love with. Yesterday, my heart changed. Brennen is so amazing. He has been my best friend for almost 8 years now. I am in awe that he still loves me so much. He continues to tell me that I am his drive; my testimony pushes him to serve. I feel the exact opposite. He is my inspiration and drive to learn more about my Savior. His fire and desire to be "energized" lights a bonfire in my heart ;]

He is clever...found a way to send me flowers all the way from Brazil...I love him so.

My new roomate Alicia is from Spain and has not yet been baptized. She has taken quite a few lessons from the missionaries. She knows that the Book of Mormon is true and Joseph Smith was a prophet. The only thing she is afraid of is that she doesn't know if President Monson is a prophet. She has been praying so hard. I am so impressed by her courage. She came to a place where she cannot communicate the way she feels. She is bold enough to ask hard questions. She is beautiful and gracious. I know the Lord will answer her prayers because she is patient, willing ready to accept His will.

It is so wonderful to have the missionaries in our home. They really do bring the spirit in. It is so cool because neither of the elders speak Spanish but because of the spirit they have been able to communicate well. I LOVE IT! I feel inspired when they teach. Scriptures come to mind...I love listening to Spanish. Its a beautiful language =)

Singles Awareness Day turned out to be a pretty fabulous sabbath day. Not only was I super jolly, it was absolutely GORGEOUS outside! The sun was shining and it was gloriuously warm =) I love the earth.

It didn't hurt that we had a thousand and one treats get dropped off at our apartment today!

Newness

2010-01-24T13:49:00.000-07:00

So, I haven't posted in a while. I guess I just haven't had anything profound or exciting to say. My life is just being lived- no adventurous hiking or spontaneous drives to Las Vegas.

I been fairly content with my plot in life lately. There have been a few days when I pretty sure the world hates my soul, but I've gotten over it. I'm coming to feel more and more comfortable with myself. I am realizing what makes me me. I love looking out windows to see a bright sky, stormy clouds, brilliant rays of sunlight or twinkling flakes of snow. I love having a body that moves according to the emotions and desires of my spirit. I love finally having a girl-friend I am close with-that I can talk to without words. I love laughter, especially when there is no real reason for it. I love my Savior and that even when I am distant from Him, He is never distant from me.

It feels so good to be able to dance again. I got a gym membership and I go in the studio whenever I get the chance. Dance defines a part of me. I don't feel quite complete without it-without music moving my soul.

I applied to my major last week. I still have two steps to finish before I actually get into the program BUT hopefully...I can handle it if I don't get in..I'm pretty nervous.

I forgot I did a photoshoot with one of my friends Saturday. It was really fun but I felt a little silly trying to be cool and model-like

His name is Devin and you can check out the rest of his work on his website www.capturedbydash.com

A Savior of Yours

2009-12-14T00:47:00.000-07:00

This was my final paper for my New Testament class. I wrote it in about twenty minutes but it sums up my love for the Savior. I felt since it's almost Christmas time it was only fitting to share.

I have known for a while that Christ is my Savior, friend, and comfort. I have known for a while that He lives still. I have often thought about how our Christus depicts the living Christ and is a symbol for our religion. Likewise, the cross is a symbol for many other Christian faiths. This semester I guess I’ve come to more of a realization that Christ leads and guides this church because He lives.

I have had class in Salt Lake every Thursday night this semester. The time in the car has become a major blessing in my crazy, busy life. It’s the only time I have to think. I so often underestimate the power of silence but that drive has reinforced its importance to me. Last week I turned off the music for only fifteen minutes on the way home. I felt a little strange. I finally had a moment to get my jumbled thoughts in order. I felt a power, no special revelation or cools ideas-just presence. I was calm. I was rejuvenated. I started to think about perspective and pictured Joseph Smith’s first vision in my head. Usually, I’m viewing that celestial occurrence as a spectator from the woods. Thursday, I saw it through Joseph’s eyes. The reality of Satan and his power on Earth hit me hard. So often I only think of Satan as having spiritual power to tempt us. I forget his power in a physical sense. Only with great determination was Joseph able to escape the grasps of Satan’s fingertips. As I imagined the light, the glory that appeared after Joseph’s courage it flooded my mind with awe. Two separate, very real beings came and spoke to him. Those beings were present, not past or future. I know they still exist today. Viewing that beautiful moment of the restoration in different eyes calmed me so much.

I feel so many take the powerful knowledge of a living Christ for granted. They do not realize what it means to have the Savior so close and so real. To me, it means that I always have someone to turn to, someone to help sort my thoughts, someone to calm my puzzled heart. To me, Christ is more than the Savior of mankind; He is the Savior that atoned for me. He is the Savior that atoned for not only my sins, but my sorrows.

Jesus is the Christ and knowing that He still comforts men, He still speaks to man makes worries useless. Christ will always be there to guide the church even in the darkest of times. I know that through His living revelation, this church lives and grows. The power of the words of President Monson and the twelve apostles can only be described as such. I feel we are given the knowledge of a living Savior as not only comfort, but hope. We may hope to live again- to live with Him again. We may hope to be clean and love beyond the grave; beyond the limits of time. My Savior lives, loves and inspires me.

Pressure

2009-12-05T16:40:00.000-07:00

I spent Thanksgiving in Boise with my roomate Ky. These were all painted in an alley way in downtown!

I seem to be getting these pressure headaches alot lately. I can't focus and I feel stir crazy. Its really been upsetting me...I can't fall asleep the same way and I can't sort my thoughts to come to any sort of conclusion about anything. Bleh.

I'm definitely ready for this semester to be over and done with. School has really kicked my trash lately. I feel stupid because I haven't been able to process new knowledge like usual. I don't know why but my brain seems to be malfunctioning. It doesn't work the same anymore.

I have realized so many of my inadequacies, my weaknesses. For some reason, I cannot pin point them, but I am much more aware they exist. I've lost some of my untamed confidence. I do however, realize the Lord's grace-He blesses me when I am truly undeserving.

Christmas is coming soon and I am SOOO excited to see family. I miss all of my beautiful nieces and nephews. It blows my mind that I have lived another year of my life. So much has changed since last December, and yet so much remains.

I want this month to be the beginning of my service year.

A Think.

2009-11-12T22:59:00.000-07:00

Wow.

So, life continues to throw me curve balls. I think I'm learning to catch the pitch. Finally, I've made a decision I feel so complete and content with. I feel like an eight month burden has been whisked away by a choice.

It feels so good to know that I don't know. Is that weird? I don't think so...because its completely refreshing understanding that I really can be content with being completely clueless. I know what my soul wants- not just my mind.

The Lord really times things perfectly. Leaders are truly inspired to share messages.

My stake president spoke last Sunday in our sacrament meeting. He said that some people surround themselves with others because they are afraid of being alone with themselves-afraid of thoughts churning. Could I raise and arm as GUILTY?! Sheesh. Finally, I found time to think. Clear of music, background TV noise, beautiful roomates, and handsome boys chasing me. Cars are amazing inventions...

I don't feel like I had any sort of revelation. I think it was more of a realization of subconsciousness. I found time to listen to myself and I found I'm less complicated than I thought. I no longer feel stretched in two directions. I'm content wandering blindly between chapters of my book.

Find time to sort thoughts and newness comes to your eyes- the sun seems brighter.

P.S.
Here are a few of my Halloween adventures..

Rocks.

2009-10-17T22:55:00.000-06:00

There are these rocks that are sitting in my kitchen sink...staring at me. They were sitting at the bottom of a beautiful vase of flowers wrapped in orange and pink ribbon. Drain...

Those years ruined me for good. My heart can't change as much as I want it to...as much as a I need it to.

Mom wrote in a card and sent in my lunch senior year. It was during a low time for me...It said, "I'm sorry you're hurting--sometimes love does that."

Presently, I'm mad at love. I don't want to love. Stoicism would make things so much easier for me. Buh.

Ache.
My body needs to dance. My feelings need to move. I have no where to let loose.

Pictures of recent happenings....

2009-09-24T20:31:00.001-06:00

Boy.

Boy sends flowers to work..."no more fat days"

Blue Foam Football.

On Campus Brother/Sister date.

Some newly acquired country swing dance skills.

Home

2009-09-19T18:09:00.000-06:00

Its scary to me how comfortable I feel living away from home. Provo feels like home now.

Life has been good. Its amazing how certain people can eliminate stress for me. I love people...especially when they make my life less complicated.

Work has been SO great! The kids I work with are amazing and my boss is fanTAStic. I hope to excel and grow in position in our office...I have learned so much. I feel so much more secure in serving people when I know what is going on. I find comfort in knowledge.

Last weekend I hiked the highest peak in the Wasatch range- Mt. Nebo. It was amazing. We left before dawn and reached the summit right as the sun began to rise. Physically, it was more challenging that I expected. Before we were even half way up, each time we stopped, it was silent. The air was still and calm. The thought lingered, "stand still and see the salvation of God." I love nature. Hearing the promptings of the Spirit is simple. I feel connected, in tune. No wonder Joseph Smith went to the Sacred Grove! I need that peace more often than I get it. My mind gets so loud and crazy. Time in quiet would help to get my thoughts in order, get my actions in line, and get my feet on the Lord's path.

Can I say again...that I loooove my roomates?!!!!

Personal Mission

2009-08-31T18:47:00.000-06:00

With the beginning of a new semester I feel some change is in order. I have so much I want to accomplish-to learn. Today was the first day of school and it was crazy...I had to move around my schedule a bit. I'm going to have a lot less free time to play this semester.

Oh yeah. And I love love love my new roomates. They're inspiring.

Personal Mission Statement

I am at my best when I feel secure..
I will try to prevent times when I don't understand what's going on..
I will enjoy my work by finding employment where I can make other people happy..
I will find enjoyment in my personal life through developing relationships and dance..
I will find opportunities to use my natural talents and gifts such as creativity, dance, caring for others, and being organized..
I can do anything I set my mind to. I will open a dance studio..
My life's journey is to bring the gospel to the lives of others, to influence with music, service, and love..
I will be a person who’s husband will say that I inspired and drove him to grow closer to God, that I shared my knowledge and passion for color and music freely, and that my children reflect the best of my qualities..
My most important future contribution to others will be my faith reflected in my willingness to serve and spread the gospel..

I will stop procrastinating and start working on:
• Not breaking hearts
• Becoming a conspicuous representative of Jesus Christ.
• Not quitting when I’m not good at something.

I will strive to incorporate the following attributes into my life:
• Courage
• Humility
• Determination

I will constantly renew myself by focusing on the four dimensions of my life:

Physical-wake up at 6AM, dance/stretch 4 times a week, eat daily servings of fruits and vegetables

Spiritual-pray twice daily or more, read at least one chapter of scripture other than for school daily, attend the temple once a week

Mental-write out daily plans, remain organized, plan money

Social/Emotional-participate in ward activities, go on dates with my boyfriend, write missionaries on a regular basis, develop closer relationships with girls

Shoot to Kill.

2009-08-21T18:08:00.000-06:00

Finally! I'm back in Provo. The drive was nice and I drove a lot of the way surprisingly.

Summer ended nicely. My friend Jeff from the singles ward in Houston took me out with some other kids the last night I was in town. We had a blast! Red Robin burgers are delicious. Games and Dave & Busters are awesome. The movie "Ponyo" is a definite recommend.

Now I'm on the hunt; for a job that is. Job searching discourages me. I feel so unqualified for most of the positions I want. I'm looking for more of a professional setting than a cafeteria and those jobs are much harder to come by on campus at BYU. My class schedule has been a major pain, but I can't fix it without dropping my major pre-requisites and I've got to get those finished!

Mom and I attended education week these past few days. It has been so enlightening and given me the spiritual invigoration I've needed lately. Every one here is so kind and tender hearted- truly "happy valley." I've followed through on the goals I made this year so far. It feels good to accomplish. It feels good to wake up at 6AM and go for a jog in the crisp air. It feels good to be closer to the Lord in the temple. It feels good to ponder and write. Life feels good. General life that is...not including love life.

I figured I'd bullet list things I learned this week whether they were my own impressions or teachers comments:

-Mercy: we don't get the punishment we deserve.
Grace: we receive blessings we do not deserve

-The light of Christ encourages us to remember the pre-mortal life and leads us to find the Holy Ghost.

-The Holy Ghost in turn leads us to make covenants.

-When we receive the gift of the Holy Ghost we are "united by priesthood ordinance with a god."

-God treats us as we have already been exhalted. That is His grace.

-Joseph Smith was born into a non-member family ;]

-"Christ saw sin as wrong but he realized that all sin springs from a deep unmet need." -Pres. Kimball

-Finite powers cannot comprehend infinite principles. Therefore, you cannot access that higher power without knowing it.

-God does not dwell in unholy temples but He does dwell in temples under construction!

-The atonement covers all. Not only our sins are as scarlett, our sorrows are too and may be made pure white through Christ's healing grace.

-Nature is a peaceful place because God created it. You cannot find that solace in a man-made edifice.

-Covenants made at baptism are just as eternal as those made in the temple.

-Sometimes the Lord puts us in peoples lives just to be there.

I know its a little scattered but those were some of my favorite things. It surprises me how my spirit can feel such peace but my mind is anxious and distressed. Does that ever stop?

Truths

2009-08-02T20:12:00.000-06:00

I go through these awesome bouts of gratitude. A heart and mind of gratitude opens doors to unseen wisdom. More is appreciated and learned. AH! It is so great! I decided to just include random thoughts that I am grateful for.

Light.
Children, and some adults, are terrified of darkness. With no light, there is no for-warning of danger. I think that is the same reason so many people lack faith. They are afraid to give up the eyes of the world and learn from the feelings of eternity. The Lord guides us through promptings and impressions of the Spirit. "Tell me, I'll forget. Show me, I'll remember. Involve me, I'll understand." By stirring us with feelings, Heavenly Father involves us in the learning process. We can better comprehend his purposes. The temple is a light in my life. Temples are often referred to as "mountains of the Lord." On top of a mountain, you can see to such far reachings! I don't think the temple has opened my eyes to the eternities just yet, but it makes me feel more content with the inevitability of my potential. Light discerns truth. The stones used by the brother of Jared were refined and worked to a pure clear white. Only then did the Lord's finger fill them with light. "For we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do" (2 Nephi 25:23).

Plans.
I get frustrated so easily when I get stuck with a big group of people and there is no plan. We always end up watching a movie or something that is slightly boring. I let myself get frustrated with the Lord sometimes too because I just want to know what his plans are for me! EXACTLY! But...I forget that it is all in the Lord's timing. As much as it drives me crazy, I am so thankful to know that He has a plan, even if I might not know what it is. "All these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good" (D&C 122:7).

A Father.
My Dad is so gentle. I am proud to have such a righteous example of faith. I love being his daughter, learning from him, and observing his service in the church. Dad's determination to choose light over evil makes me realize something SO COOL- I am grateful to be a Daughter of God! WOWsuh. In the Pearl of Great Price the Lord affirms the truth that Moses is His son. Included at the beginning of each counsel the Lord reiterates, "thou art my son." Satan comes sneaking along and attempts to tempt Moses. But NO SIR! What does Moses say? "Who are thou? For behold I am a son of God...where is thy glory that I should worship thee?" Moses understood his personal worth to Heavenly Father and that knowledge revealed the lowliness of Satan. Its almost like he says, "Shoot fool. Do you think I'm that stupid? I know the being that loves me. I know the potential I have to become like Him. Where do you get off thinking that I would stoop to your level?" HA! In your face Satan!!

Melody.
Notes and rhythms sooth me. They give me drive and purpose. They give me focus and strength. Music grabs a hold of my spirit like nothing else. It can be a comfort and an excitement, a way into others lives. Harmony brings me closer to those I share it with. My home will be FULL of music, noooooo doubts about that.

Perspective.
In my freshman academy class my first semester at BYU I discovered that for man to have faith, he must have some assurance that his path is pleasing to Heavenly Father. I want to cultivate that sensitivity. I want that steady feeling that my choices are in line with His will. It has just been so hard to figure that out, BUT what I'm grateful for is the calming thought that (once again) even if I don't know the exact plan, I know He has one. I know I am meant to serve and share, to rear a family in joy and love. I just gotta figure out how to bring all of it about!!!

Rush.
I bore my testimony today. The adrenaline rush that comes from the Spirit sometimes is AweSOOME! My heart was pumping and my mouth was smiling! Sharing my affirmations of the hope of the gospel feels SO GOOD! I have a Book of Mormon in my car. I want to be prepared for the time that the Lord has someone that needs me.

This was a bit of a long post. BUT all is well. I love this gospel and I know so so surely that it is true, that the Savior is it's head. Joseph Smith restored it and brought the Book of Mormon to the Earth through translation of the plates. I know a simple prayer saved and will save so many. The hope of the Savior is a light in times of darkness and rescues from sorrow. The temple is a place of forevers. Families are instituted by God and were meant to help us along this trudge through mortality.

I am blessed.

Boiling.

2009-07-29T20:17:00.000-06:00

I let myself get so riled up. Stupid things bother me. Why can't other people just act exactly how I want them to? (long depressed sigh)

Summer is almost over. Sadly, I wish it was so much sooner. Plans changed five times over. I won't be headed to Utah until the second or so week of August.

I hate second guessing myself constantly. I wonder if a decision was right for months after I make it.

Mom and I went to the beach yesterday. It was nice to just sit in the sun and listen to music. It didn't really help me relax anymore.

Fake out.

2009-07-13T12:32:00.000-06:00

So as soon as my life starts to make me think its normal-SHAZAM. And I get whacked in the face. I had decided to go back to Utah at the end of this month. Mom and Dad left for California and I got a call from Old Navy and they want me to come interview. SO if I get the job there I'll be staying Houston until the end of summer. I hate when things are so up in the air. It makes me feel really anxious for some reason.

Fourth of July weekend was fun! Laura's birthday was the Thursday before so I went to Beaumont to party it up with girls and we had a blast! Then Laura came to town and she came to a bunch of ward activity stuff with me!

AH there is some other crazy stuff going on but maybe we'll save that for another day...A love that does not sacrifice never has the endurance sufficient to achieve a celestial union.

I started reading Sheri Dew's book "If Life were Easy it wouldn't be Hard." It has all the things I need to hear in it! She is so enlightening. I feel like I have so much to work on with my own personal security. "On this jaunt through mortality we've simply got to leave our baggage behind because our spiritual joints can't take the pounding." I need to work on dropping my baggage and letting that weight be lifted from my spirit. Starting anew...again. Let myself fly.

Cause I do not accept any less than something just as real as fabulous.

2009-06-10T21:38:00.000-06:00

WHEW.

Summer is pretty killer. My life is still pretty dang boring...

Ethan's visit was great. He is such a good guy and really cares about his friends. I have no idea how he got so good at knowing what girls feel...it baffles me. We had a good time touring all the museum's and hanging with Katherine and Caroline.

I 'm so excited that I have two new nephews. Being home around some of the eleven makes me LOVE being an aunt. Its a good feeling when this adorable snotty nosed face cuddles and cries on you but refuses his grandma, or when this beautiful blossoming young girl sits on your closet and tells you how stylish you are. My nieces and nephews make me so excited to be a mom.

Speaking of mom, do you realize how amazing mine is? Thanks to her (with a little help from my dad) all of my siblings are beautiful, smart(sad to say most of that comes from dad ;]), and spiritual. However defined our differences are, I see so much of her in all of us.

A friend and I have taken a few classes from a dance studio here in Houston called Planet Funk. Its been kind of ammmmmazing. The choreography is fantastic. It makes my body feel so much better..I went to recital while Ethan was here and it made me ache for dance. BUT now my aches and pains have subsided. Its so nice to have something to be excited about.

Shnikies.

2009-06-01T00:12:00.000-06:00

Its late. My mind is raging. There are so many thoughts rushing through it right now its giving me a pressure headache.

There are always to many sides to my life- my relationships. I don't think it was ever as simple as a square or triangle. Its complexity jumped straight to cubes and pyramids. I miss the days when life, thoughts, and worries were so plain. I miss feeling so concrete in my feelings. How did that so suddenly vanish? It makes me feel like a bad person.

I wonder what in my mind is erased when it has to make room for new information. What gets tucked away in some cabinet full of thoughts? I know there have been times when I need access to those filing drawers but that key has been long since discarded.

Attempts at words to describe thought makes it easier to sort things out. My knotted yarn ball I've talked about is back again...

Ethan came to visit FINALLY. I haven't seen him in two years. Its crazy to me how well he knows me. I've really needed a best friend lately and he's been there for that.

Update

2009-05-17T21:48:00.000-06:00

Its been a while. Sorry about that.

So...I've been home for a few weeks now. I have no life, friends, or job. The lack of such causes me to miss my dear Brennen sooo much more because I have NOTHING to distract me. But I did get to hear his sweet voice on mother's day and BOY did that feel good! I got to cuddle with his adorable nephew Nolan while I waited to get my turn alone with Brennen.

This last weekend we traveled to Mimi's for her graduation. I am constantly awed by my sisters abilities. Erin is so calm and collected when everything(children in particular) has fallen to chaos. She commands respect but without harsh words or a raised voice- with love. Mimi is so enlightening. Her laugh FILLS me with joy. It really is contagious. Her bright smile is sincere. I love my sisters and the examples they are to me.

I love this world! It was so beautiful outside today! I wish we didn't have to be so smooshed in the car...I would have loved to go for a long walk.

The Emma Smith soundtrack uplifts me. I love how music can do that even without words. I want to be as un-faltering in my love for my future husband as Emma was. I used to have a really hard time understanding how she could go astray from the church. I know I don't have to understand her exact reasons now and I can respect her for the Elect lady she was. I want to emulate that.

Maybe I should start my refinement by shaving my armpits ;]

OH and I forgot!!!!!!!!! Go to this link. I met this kid and he is super cool!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rzl05ZJ4O7s&feature=channel_page

A new HSM3

2009-05-12T17:59:00.000-06:00

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Here I come!

2009-04-14T12:00:00.000-06:00

Oh my goodness! Today was my last day of classes! It is so crazy to me that I have almost completed an entire year of college. I'm SOOOO excited for summer and to be with family and friends again. I miss home!

Our closing social was last Thursday. It was a blast! J-dawgs catered, we watched a slideshow of all of our ward pictures, and then we played Survivor games. It got pretty messy...especially when 3 or 4 of the boys threw up in the parking lot. Then Friday night I went out with one of David's MTC companions. We went to a B league basketball game! It was a blast! He is a way fun guy and we talk ALOT! Saturday was crazy busy. I went and watched the final concert for the Ballroom company for my friend Taylor. It was FANTASTIC! Ballroom looks like so much fun. I hope I get to take some before I'm done here at BYU.

I registered for fall semester classes yesterday. I'm taking Portuguese! Brennen will be so excited!! I got an AWESOME letter from him yesterday...with FIVE pictures! I love one valiant, energized young man. ANYWAYS classes...I'll be finishing my major pre-requisites so I can apply to the Public Relations major in the winter. I really wanted to take the floral design class but it didn't fit my hours. I know Mom would have been jealous.

Tomorrow is my last day of work and I'm PUMPED. Not to be poor again...but to have more time to play/sleep. I have lots of studying to do for finals and I need to start figuring my packing...

Sometimes I just have these random impressions. The church is SOO true!! I wish I had better words and courage to relay that message to EVERYONE! I know people would realize the peace and happiness that comes from the love of the Savior so quickly if they would simply try living it. I know how important we are to Him and that everything that happens, every insecurity we feel, can be bolstered, strengthened by love and knowledge of His plan for us.

Blessed

2009-04-03T00:02:00.000-06:00

MAN lately I have felt so abundantly blessed. I don't know what it is but I just know that the Lord has given me so much! "Happy is a grateful heart." Its hard to remember how awesome trials are when they are happening. Sometimes I just feel like "geez, haven't I had enough happen this year?" But I always end up feeling so LOVED because of it! I have learned so much because of how hard I've had it! And ya know, I complain a lot...but I don't even have it that hard! I'm just a big pansy and the Lord has to toughen me up.

I am blessed with a body that moves and loves music.

a righteous gatherer of Israel for a never-ceasing best friend.

a sturdy family that lifts and inspires me.

an amazing ward full of the COOLEST most caring college kids ever.

to have all that I need and more.

the ability to work.

the opportunity to be pushed down but helped back up again.

The Lord will never let you fall any further than your knees. He may heal the wounds, but He leaves us scars to remember Him by. The scars are a beautiful thing.

Can I just say, Music is so touching. If you let it, I know it can literally move anyone to feel the Spirit.

Steamed.

2009-03-26T23:34:00.000-06:00

This week, everything has hated me. Nothing is going right at all and there is nothing I can do about it. It genuinely makes me angry...which is new for me.

But now that I know how it feels to be angry, I don't know what to do about it. I feel like there is no way to let all of this out productively without hurting anyone, without hurting myself.

Its nights like tonight that make me envy those who are bluntly opinionated. They never let anything that bothers them bottle up. Mine is bottled up like a shaken bottle of Coke. The air inside just keeps expanding. I feel like breaking down, but I have no one to break down on now because Brennen is gone. I miss his sweet advice to say a prayer for peace, his tender reassurances.

It seems like those are much harder to come by than I imagined...

A Wish

2009-03-22T21:14:00.000-06:00

to never have a broken heart, to never break a heart, to know exactly what needs to happen, to not miss what needs no missing, to have a fixed decision, to always remember a feeling, to live with no regrets, to forget, to reach that endless potential.

Still, its just that- a fleeting wish with no backing but a sliver of hope.

Fresh

2009-03-08T17:54:00.000-06:00

Lately days have gotten long, full of busy activities. Work makes my days so much more occupied. I enjoy what I do at work. I like talking to people. Sometimes I find it hard to understand what they want. I guess I need to work on my people skills. My school work has become second rate. Honestly this semester is just a lot harder to enjoy learning. I've worked out every day for three weeks now. I love how happy I feel after wards. I try to swim after every work out. I miss being in the pool all the time. My body feels almost as comfortable swimming as it does dancing. Maybe I should have been a synchronized swimmer?

There has been so much happen to me this year. I have had to find myself and look to the Lord for the kind of friendship I need. My thoughts are constantly going, wondering what I could be doing better, if what I'm doing is pleasing to Him. I want to be doing the right things for the right reasons. Sometimes its hard to be sure if my decisions feel right because they are what IS right or if they are just what I want. Goals pile up. I work on them every day but they are all goals that must be constantly nourished and sometimes I feel as if they're unreachable. I want to have alll the light I possibly can!

I've discovered my weakness. But for now, that will remain a secret ;]

Brennen is doing well. I didn't get anything from him this week. Sister Miller told mom this week he seemed to be struggling more with the language. I know he'll be fine. If he isn't amazing at everything the first time he tries it he gets frustrated. He knows how to follow promptings and rely on the Spirit to guide him. He'll be fluent in no time!

The weather has been beautiful lately. I love the mountains and how big they make the sky. Yesterday morning a cloud sat on top of the mountains hiding their peaks. It looked fake.

I finally decided what to do for my creativity project. I am going to focus on Ophelia from Shakespeare's Hamlet. She had a lot of "emotional baggage" so I am going to create bags that discuss her issues with her father, lover, and brother. Then for each I'm going to include another artistic work interpreting her feelings- an art piece, a dance, and a poem.

Tubing!!

2009-02-17T18:01:00.000-07:00

On Valentines day I went tubing with all my Colorado boys and some girls from my ward! We had SOO much fun! SNOW IS AMAZING!

Second email from Brennen update: He is the new AP to his mission president. He has only been there two weeks. Goodness me that boy is so amazing.

I'm going back blonde this week! I've missed those good ole days ;]

Archaeology is kicking my tooshie. I have that midterm starting this week and I have a feeling no matter how hard I study my butt off I won't do well. I figured that class would be a fun, interesting general ed. requirement. BUT OH HOW WRONG WAS I!?

I am making an online magazine for my Mass Communication class. It is www.BoardOuttaMyMind.7h.com I get graded on how many people subscribe and open my emails. If you could go subscribe for me that would be AWESOME! It should be a pretty good website too! My group and I have had a lot of fun making it!

2009-02-12T11:24:00.000-07:00

Brennen left last Tuesday. It is so crazy that he has already been gone a week. I am so proud of him and how much he has grown already. He is even singing in the MTC choir!? Since when does he want to sing?! His excitement helps me. I miss him but knowing how happy is serving makes me forget that a little more. He has finally figured out how to be completely immersed. Both of his feet are on the same path. I've been having all these weird/scary dreams about him too..

I've been searching and searching for a job. It feels like it is impossible! I have applied at so many places and have had no luck whatsoever. I want to work so I can keep myself busy...keep my mind busy.

Rachel and I have been working out every night this week. I signed up for a gym membership and I think it might break my bank account's back, but I love it. Endorphins really do make you happier! It is a totally worth how it makes me poor. A little boost of happiness is something I need every day.

I have found how wonderful prayer is. Not talking to Brennen about everything has been a hard adjustment. I feel like I need so much help. The Lord is always there to listen. Doctrine and Covenants 25 has become a bit of a theme for me. I want to become an elect lady. I want to praise the Lord with music. I want to support Brennen in every way that I can. I want to forget the trifle things of the world. I love church history.

Here are some pictures from Rachel and I's California trip at Mad Greek Cafe and the BIG rainbow we saw!

Oodles of Doodles and Yarn

2009-01-31T12:41:00.000-07:00

Brennen leaves this Tuesday. I can't believe its finally actually leaving. He is going to be such an amazing missionary. I know he has grown so much over the past two weeks.
"Those sent to warn sometimes do not know of the danger." -Elder Eyring.
My best friend has the most uplifting assurance in the love of our Savior. The Lord blesses us for making the right decisions. Brennen made all the right ones. This is so hard already, but "the night is darkest just before the dawn" (good ole' batman).

Its been hard to focus on school lately. I feel like my mind is a tangle of yarn. There is always so much I'm thinking about that extracting one thought is like pulling a splinter out of my foot. My focus wants to be on the important things, but it wanders to others. I have so many questions lately that I don't feel like any one person can answer.
Midterms are in about two weeks. I have three big ward activities coming up too. How do I make the most out of those when I can't focus? Geez, someone get me medicine for my ADD.

I've taken to doodling with markers when I get bored.

I really wish I had art skills like Rachel and Juli so I could paint...

I've been reading the Tennis Shoes Among the Nephites. They are so much fun and they really help paint pictures for the awesome stories of the Book of Mormon. Chris Hiemerdinger keeps to the facts in the Book of Mormon really well while making such a fun story! YAY Teancum!

Renewed.

2009-01-18T16:49:00.000-07:00

With the start of the new year, I never imagined I would change so much. Maybe that's why Mom loves butterflies so much. I know she loves us so much. She wants us to grow and change into the butterfly creatures she knows we can be.

I ended last semester with all A- and one B+ in American Heritage. I was satisfied.

Spending time with the family over my break was so ridiculously great! We have the funnest family. I really wish we had more opportunities to be together. When I was little I never really felt connected to the rest of the family. The older I get, the more I want to be like my big sisters. They have such a positive, happy outlook on everything. They have become beautiful mothers who teach their kids in astonishing ways. They have inspired me to follow my instincts and the spirit. My parents have become my closest friends. They love and support me when I don't deserve it. They show more every day how to follow the Lord's will. They continue to uplift me at times when I myself feel low. My big brothers truly show me love and respect which I expect from my future husband someday. They give me the biggest hugs and encouragement (especially when it comes to dancing). I feel so blessed to have to opportunity to be with all of you for the eternities. I love the gospel and the knowledge we have of families. Doing Grandma's temple work completely solidified that blessing in my testimony.

This semester so far has been a "fountain of living water." I am constantly surrounded by goodness. Every one of my classes, not just Doctrine and Covenants and Book of Mormon, have intertwined gospel teachings in with worldly knowledge. I realize more and more that this is why I came to BYU. The Lord knew I needed to have relentless reminders. BYU is making my potential even more possible than I ever imagined it would be. I still have heights to reach in my growth, but it has begun. Inch by inch I will accomplish, I will succeed, I will love.

"Live to see such miracles as forgiveness." -Elder Holland, BYU campus devotional

"I will not leave you comfortless. I will come to you." -John 14:18

SNOW!

2008-12-17T16:17:00.000-07:00

Oh boy! This week it finally snowed! It was the first time I had gone out and actually done something semi-fun. Snow is so beautiful. I love the crunching sound it makes when you walk on it. I even love that it makes me slip and fall on my butt. The mountains look even more beautiful covered in snow. Shelby had fun taking pictures of me being a little kid in the snow. She still loves that I haven't really had the snow experiences.

Brennen is here! He came snowboarding with his sister Nikki so they're here for the whole week! Monday night we went to temple square. It was great. I love sharing peaceful nights like that with him. I can't believe he leaves in nine days.

Finals were this week too. They went really well for the most part. I got really good feedback from my dance teachers which was plus because I was gross with mono when I performed my final. Hopefully I'll end up with all A's! Keep your fingers crossed!

Cracking Down with a Crack Up Body

2008-12-13T10:46:00.000-07:00

Man oh man.

Well where to start? Thanksgiving was perfect. I missed my funny sisters and their crazy kids more than I thought. I missed hugging Dad whenever I wanted. I missed Mom's spasticness. I miss Brennen and his beautiful smile. I know Brennen got more time than the rest, but I couldn't help it! It was fantastic spending every minute of every day with him. I love that kid. I can't believe he leaves me so soon.

The Thursday after I came back up here we had a ward activity. We took everybody out to Temple Square in Salt Lake and saw the beautiful lights. We also went and saw the Joseph Smith movie. I think it is amazing how different a spirit you feel watching movies or hearing beautiful music.

I found out Monday this week that I have mono. I'd been feeling crappy for quite a while but refused to go get checked out because I figured it would just go away. Mono has terrible timing. Three of my finals were this week and the rest are this next. The last couple weeks I get to spend with Brennen I have to be sick...I'm a little bitter about it. I was pretty dang miserable for a couple of days because I was waking up with night sweats, fevers, chills, headaches, and dry heaving at 4 in the morning. But yesterday and today have been much better. I've had to take much better care of my body. Its really a lot harder than you'd think...I did complete this huge poster presentation while feeling like death. We also decorated our apartment with Christmas stuff! Out tree was so cleverly designed out of a green plastic table clothe.

I'm so excited that Rachel is coming home. She is such an amazing example of faith to me. Having her so close again will be so much fun. Her testimony still impresses me.

JEALOUS!
I still can't believe that South East Texas has now has more snow that we have. I think that is just absolutely ridiculous. I woke up to pictures of Brennen snowman. What kind of world is it when it snows in Texas and not in Utah? I mean seriously!

CANT WAIT!

2008-11-20T16:13:00.000-07:00

Oh my goodness! I can't believe my thanksgiving break is so close! It is very much needed. Things have been a little nuts up here.
"Cosmo the Ladies Man"

This week BYU plays the University of Utah. It the biggest game of the year. Kind of like UT and A&M...A couple years ago some U of U kids came and painted the statues on campus red so this week all of the statues have been wrapped with plastic wrap. This statue had a caption taped on it this morning. "Sealed for time and all eternity."

I have a research paper due for American Heritage tomorrow. That class has really been kicking my tooshie, but my professor is amazing. I love BYU because you can tell that you're learning under the guidance of the spirit. Professor Holland is really an amazing example of a disciple scholar. I respect the way he directs his class. We discuss government but he always find significant ways to incorporate gospel teachings. Its great!

Saturday we have our second ward party! I hope it runs well! It has been so stressful figuring all the catering plans and what not but everything is pretty much finished now!

Spending an entire week with Brennen and seeing family is going to be the BEST break I could ever ask for! I've missed him and everybody else so bad! Yay for babies!

I found these funny videos of me and Taylor "skittles bowling." They're pretty entertaining!

A Snowy Hawaiian Thanksgiving

2008-11-09T17:29:00.000-07:00

The first snow was this weeeeeek!!!!! AH it was so beautiful. I ate my breakfast out in it. Utah is such a beautiful place!!

So..if you didn't know, I have the most amazing boy in my life. Brennen helped pay for me to fly home for Thanksgiving. We had talked about it a lot but because of our...unusual circumstances we didn't know if it would end up happening. I got my ticket on Tuesday night and I'm so freakishly excited to get to spend a whole week with him. I've missed him terribly, and Mom and Dad of course!! Love you guys =)I get to come camp for a day or MAYBE more with the rest of the family so that should be great!

Our ward started this get to know you activity at the beginning of the semester. One apartment of guys and one apartment of girls get together for a themed dinner they draw out of a hat at ward prayer. It was our turn this week and I drew out LUAU! The boys attempted to make some Hawaiian chicken but they didn't know that you have to thaw chicken before you cook it (which I didn't know either). We ended up ordering Hawaiian pizza and drinking fruit punch. Real creative huh? We were in charge of decorations and costuming. I love stuff like that so you can imagine how crazy Iwent with the streamers! A lot of Shelby's family is Maori because her mom is from New Zealand, so attempted to teach us a little bit of hula. The boys were terrible.

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Saturday was our last home football game and it was super fun because the guys sitting by us were completely NUTS!

I love how every time I'm confused or have no idea what to do, there are these perfect instances when the Lord helps me figure it out. This week I found my true feelings about certain things. Life seems a little more clear.

A bloomin awesome Halloween

2008-11-01T18:10:00.000-06:00

Man this week was crazy fun!

My first ward activity as activities co chair was this week and it went great! We had a ward talent show and the room was so packed people were overflowing into the hall! It was lots of fun and some of the kids had really impressive talents! I dressed up as a dude- facial hair and all.

Last night our stake hosted a dance. I helped 3 different people come up with costumes AND helped make them for them. My friend Gavin borrowed my Minnie Mouse outfit. Shelby was "Stupendous Shelby" the super hero, and my friend Sarah rocked my aviators as a eighties rocker. We had a really good time getting super sweaty at the dance. Ryan was a rocker that "rocked a little to hard" and broke his drum sticks.At the stake dance I went to go get a drink and then out of no where this crazy man in a curly wig, short jean shorts, and a mesh tank top came and started dancing around me. I got a little freaked! Then I realized it was my friend Caleb. Then I saw all of his roomates. Those are some crazy guys! Their costumes were a little disturbing...

Our apartment was pretty dang disgusting after everything that went on this week. We finally cleaned it today and it felt SOOOO good. I love cleaning and making things all organized. It relaxes me. I still remember when mom made fun of me because I asked her for a label maker..

Orange Haired Grades

2008-10-22T19:01:00.000-06:00

So I got my midterm grades and I didn't do too terribly. My History of Creativity exam was super easy. I got a 93 (highest grade out of all our freshman academy students!) My American Heritage exam was MUUCH more difficult. I ended up with a cumulative 83 which isn't too bad considering, but this class has a wierd curve so I still might end up with a lower grade. Lame right?

Last night I finally got up the courage to let Shelby dye my hair. I've been way to freaked out but my roots were getting a little gross. When we washed it out we found maybe ten places we had missed AND it had an orange tint. But when I woke up this morning it didn't look orange at all- just super bright blonde. It was definatly a memorable experience.

I've been really confused about a lot lately. Just not knowing what exactly the Lord knows is best has kind of killed me lately. I've been getting those weird headaches that aren't headaches, just a lot of pressure in my head because I'm constantly thinking about so much at one time. The other night I was up on Y mountain. I just sat in the parking lot in the cold and looked at the beautiful city lights and mountain sillouhettes off in the distance. I needed that. Being in nature or just in such a quite peaceful place always makes me so much better because I can really listen to the spirit. I love the beautiful world Heavenly Father created for us.

We had a halloween dance tonight and I had to throw a costume together because my sunflower isnt done yet.

I was Minnie!

Homecoming

2008-10-15T22:22:00.000-06:00

So..I got a little preoccupied with problems in my last post so I didn't post any pictures from my fun week last week.

Last week was homecoming and there were lots of fun activities going on

True Blue foam football was by far the best

my skin was stained blue for three days. I had to scrub like crazy with baking soda to get it off for the dance.

I went with my friend Taylor and we had a good time. He is on the ballroom team so he just taught me ballroom moves all night long!

It was my friend Kathryn's first EVER date on the night of the dance. So I hooked her up with a dress and Shelby did her makeup and hair and all that cool girly stuff! She looked HOT! haha

ALSO.
I would just like to say how amazingly AMAZING my entire family is. I love you guys 8] thanks for loving your little sister so much.

blank.

2008-10-13T22:00:00.000-06:00

I feel like puking. Sorry for the graphics.

Yesterday and today was basically the first six months of this year packed into two days. Things are no longer...and I don't have my phone again.

just my best friend, but an amazing one.

Conference Weekend

2008-10-06T19:56:00.000-06:00

Man. Last week was nuts!! I had my first test in my dance class and I did really well. It gave me so much more confidence in that class because I have felt SOO behind all the other girls. I got asked out by some random Canadian at an etiquitte dinner in front of everyone. I had test reviews out the wazoo...along with tons of homework. I started studying in the library which has proved to be very productive! Who knew? haha

Friday night I went to see Kung Fu Panda with some friends at the theater in the student center. I forgot how dang funny that movie was. Then I called Todd and he told me he and Kristine dear had extra tickets for the after noon session saturday! I was super stoked. It rained all night Saturday so in the morning for conference there was snow on the mountains. It was just BEAUTIFUL! We drove out to Salt Lake and walked a few blocks to the conference center. It is SO neat inside there! That session was so perfect for me. I have always enjoyed conference but I've never felt like things were said for me. That was ALL I got from that session. Each thing one of the brethren said TOTALLY applied to my life right now. Elder Holland's talk was definately one of my favorites. I have so many angels in my life. I'm so blessed to have so many amazing righteous examples in my life.

During the priesthood session Kristi and I walked around Salt Lake and shopped and such so that was fun. We also saw the Reflections of Christ exhibit by Mark Mabry. The pictures are so powerful..

The Sunday session I was able to attend was...eventful to say the least. I was a little mad at myselt that I let something so dumb distract me from being in the prophet's presence...

This week is going to be pretty dang nuts too. I have my very first ever midterm tomorrow. Then the second on Wednesday. Brennen's birthday is this week and the present I'm sending him I kind of want to keep...Friday I'm going to the Homecoming dance and Saturday I'm going out with the random Canadian dude.

Bom noche

Dumpy Days and Disco Skates

2008-09-29T08:32:00.000-06:00

So You Think You Can Dance 2008

Last week sucked. Thats about it. I lost my cell phone and I feel completely hindered without it. I was finally adjusting to life up here and then a few days last week just hit me really hard.

The Lord has really blessed me with an amazing brother and best friend. They really know how to take care of me. Especially when I have bad days like that. Todd was so sweet to come a watch a dance performance with me on Saturday. I know he didnt really want to, but he did anyways. The women's General Relief Society meeting was on Saturday evening. President Uchtdorf's words were so good for me. I have felt so...inadaquate up here and thats just what he talked about. He explained that the only way to over come those feelings is to serve. Then so perfectly...I finally got my calling on Sunday. I'm the ward activities co-chair so I get to plan all the ward parties! Its a perfect job for me because I love to do that kind of stuff and I think I'll really be able to serve. I talk to Brennen all the time about going on a mission. I would love to be able to serve the Lord completely for eighteen months of my life. I just don't know if that will be right for me at that time in my life. I hate not knowing! I just wish I knew what I was going to do!

Saturday night I went disco skating with one of my friends that lives in the building across from me. We had lots of fun, getting dressed up. I even had on GREEN eye shadow! We looked pretty ridiculous, but I think my camera got messed up when it was in his pocket because he kept falling on his butt..

You would miss him too.

I love him. I want to become the person he sees me as.

Busy week...

2008-09-21T16:23:00.000-06:00

I feel like SO much happened this week. Monday my FHE group had our first REAL meeting and it was great. My group is awesome. I had alot of work and reading in all of my classes this week as well. I think I look forward more to the weekends being in college then I ever did in high school.

Friday night me and my roomates cleaned our apartment and MAN did it feel so much better! If you don't know..I have this thing about rearranging furniture pretty much every two months. So, I rearranged my bedroom already and it feels so much better!

After that we went to the BYU fall festival. They had video games, bands playing, free pizza, swing dance classes, and a dance all happening at the same time in the Wilkinson center. It was lots of fun! I love dances..maybe because I love dancing so much. But we met some guys from a building in our complex and they invited us to their "Thug Party." So Saturday night we dressed up in our best thug attire-baggy sweats, bandanas, trucker hats, and I had my sweet crown hoody from Todd. The party was sooooooooo much fun! There were two apartments hosting it and on their balcony they had hooked up a swing and a hammock. We danced all night long and got super sweaty...and stinky.

FOOTBALL
BYU 44- Wyoming 0

A date...with the engaged. And others

2008-09-17T16:01:00.000-06:00

So. I went out on my first date last friday night. My roomate Shelby got asked out by this guy named Scott and he has a twin brother named Brian. So me and Brian got hooked up on a blind double date. We went to DI and picked out goofy outfits for each other and went ice skating in them. Then we crashed some random party with a giant inflatible obstacle course and ate Dairy Queen. It was quite enjoyable.

Then Saturday I got to take engagement pictures of Todd and Kristy! They're are so great together. I'm so excited for her to be part of our AWESOME family! It did make me miss Brennen a bit though. But that seems to happen every day seeing that I'm constantly surrounded my lovey dovey couples on campus every day. Dang mormons!

I slid down stairs too! I've been practicing 8]

In the presence of great men.

2008-09-07T15:08:00.000-06:00

We had our regional stake conference today at the Marriot center. We had no idea who was speaking, but were excited to learn from a POSSIBLE general authority. It turned out that President Uchtdorf and President Packer were both on the schedule to speak and both were sitting about one 100 yards in front of me! AWESOME.

I thought it was funny that there were SO many mormon kids flocking to the Marriot center...they couldn't even all fit on the street corner.

President Packer related many historical stories to us and it was fun the learn more about Utah's past and the early saints. I think church history may be my favorite gospel subject. The early saints that made their journey to Zion truly amaze me. The words to the hymn "Come, Come Ye Saints" I think show their real courage..."And should we die before our journey's through, Happy day! All is well." Imagnie loosing all of your loved ones as some did, but still rejoicing the fact that you were building the Kingdom og God! At EFY in the old Nauvoo cemetery we sang that song. It was kind of a somber experience but a power witness of the work they died doing.
As President Uchtdorf spoke, I kept gawking at his amazing composure! He stood so sure and confident in front of thousands of students. He first bore his testimony of President Monson's calling, and continued to call all the worthy young men to serve missions. He talked about how to prepare and the blessings that will come from it. I felt impressed that even though it may be hard for me to have my best friend be so terribly far away, it is where he needs to be. The Lord needs his service as much as Brennen needs the growth.

I love this gospel. I love that when I feel sad or troubled, my Savior is so quick to comfort me.

PS
Mandi my email is ohbabyoh8ty@yahoo.com 8] i didnt know how else to tell you because I don't have your email for some reason!

Boa Noite

2008-09-05T00:30:00.000-06:00

"Goodnight" in portugese.

My man is going to Brazil! Londrina to be exact. No idea where that is yet? Maybe I should look that up!

As I was walking home from my second day of classes, I was on speaker phone with Brennen and his entire family. He was ripping open his call letter (I could hear that but nothing else). He cut out RIGHT when he read where he was going so all I heard was that he was to report on December 27th!! When the yelling and screaming from his family finally stopped I yelled "Where the heck are you going?!" and he gently said Brazil. I think the fact that he gets to serve for real people in a real country had just set in. I felt really weird at first, knowing that I'd see him again and that our closer last Saturday wasn't really closer. But I do get to learn how to snowboard from him now! I am so excited for him though. He has already bought a portugese dictionary and memorized the numbers and months. A Brazil soccer jersey is already being shipped to his house along with a big flag. Its awesome he is needed in a place that loves what he loves- soccer.

I'm sure he'll have amazing stories and experiences. He's an amazing kid.

New Home

2008-08-30T18:45:00.000-06:00

Mom and Dad helped me move into my new dorm Tuesday this week. After a long, eventful drive it was nice to not feel homeless anymore!

Its been lots of fun being around Todd again. That kid is goofy beyond all reason but you can't help but love him.

Brennen also got to stay with me for a couple of days up here. We climbed the Y, visited Bridal Veil Falls, and went to Temple Square in Salt Lake today. It was my last few days with him and dropping him off was hard but I'm so excited him to be able to serve a mission.

School needs to hurry up and start already. I feel like I'm super lazy because I don't really have much to do but sit around on my computer. I did go to the first BYU game today but I didn't stay long. I hadn't eaten all day so I was pretty starving. AND the two guys I had tickets next to were really quiet...not so much fun for a football game.