A Think.

Wow.

So, life continues to throw me curve balls. I think I'm learning to catch the pitch. Finally, I've made a decision I feel so complete and content with. I feel like an eight month burden has been whisked away by a choice.

It feels so good to know that I don't know. Is that weird? I don't think so...because its completely refreshing understanding that I really can be content with being completely clueless. I know what my soul wants- not just my mind.

The Lord really times things perfectly. Leaders are truly inspired to share messages.

My stake president spoke last Sunday in our sacrament meeting. He said that some people surround themselves with others because they are afraid of being alone with themselves-afraid of thoughts churning. Could I raise and arm as GUILTY?! Sheesh. Finally, I found time to think. Clear of music, background TV noise, beautiful roomates, and handsome boys chasing me. Cars are amazing inventions...

I don't feel like I had any sort of revelation. I think it was more of a realization of subconsciousness. I found time to listen to myself and I found I'm less complicated than I thought. I no longer feel stretched in two directions. I'm content wandering blindly between chapters of my book.


Find time to sort thoughts and newness comes to your eyes- the sun seems brighter.


P.S.
Here are a few of my Halloween adventures..

Rocks.

There are these rocks that are sitting in my kitchen sink...staring at me. They were sitting at the bottom of a beautiful vase of flowers wrapped in orange and pink ribbon. Drain...

Those years ruined me for good. My heart can't change as much as I want it to...as much as a I need it to.

Mom wrote in a card and sent in my lunch senior year. It was during a low time for me...It said, "I'm sorry you're hurting--sometimes love does that."

Presently, I'm mad at love. I don't want to love. Stoicism would make things so much easier for me. Buh.

Ache.
My body needs to dance. My feelings need to move. I have no where to let loose.

Pictures of recent happenings....

Boy.



Boy sends flowers to work..."no more fat days"



Blue Foam Football.



On Campus Brother/Sister date.



Some newly acquired country swing dance skills.

Home

Its scary to me how comfortable I feel living away from home. Provo feels like home now.

Life has been good. Its amazing how certain people can eliminate stress for me. I love people...especially when they make my life less complicated.

Work has been SO great! The kids I work with are amazing and my boss is fanTAStic. I hope to excel and grow in position in our office...I have learned so much. I feel so much more secure in serving people when I know what is going on. I find comfort in knowledge.

Last weekend I hiked the highest peak in the Wasatch range- Mt. Nebo. It was amazing. We left before dawn and reached the summit right as the sun began to rise. Physically, it was more challenging that I expected. Before we were even half way up, each time we stopped, it was silent. The air was still and calm. The thought lingered, "stand still and see the salvation of God." I love nature. Hearing the promptings of the Spirit is simple. I feel connected, in tune. No wonder Joseph Smith went to the Sacred Grove! I need that peace more often than I get it. My mind gets so loud and crazy. Time in quiet would help to get my thoughts in order, get my actions in line, and get my feet on the Lord's path.


Can I say again...that I loooove my roomates?!!!!

Personal Mission

With the beginning of a new semester I feel some change is in order. I have so much I want to accomplish-to learn. Today was the first day of school and it was crazy...I had to move around my schedule a bit. I'm going to have a lot less free time to play this semester.

Oh yeah. And I love love love my new roomates. They're inspiring.

Personal Mission Statement


I am at my best when I feel secure..
I will try to prevent times when I don't understand what's going on..
I will enjoy my work by finding employment where I can make other people happy..
I will find enjoyment in my personal life through developing relationships and dance..
I will find opportunities to use my natural talents and gifts such as creativity, dance, caring for others, and being organized..
I can do anything I set my mind to. I will open a dance studio..
My life's journey is to bring the gospel to the lives of others, to influence with music, service, and love..
I will be a person who’s husband will say that I inspired and drove him to grow closer to God, that I shared my knowledge and passion for color and music freely, and that my children reflect the best of my qualities..
My most important future contribution to others will be my faith reflected in my willingness to serve and spread the gospel..

I will stop procrastinating and start working on:
• Not breaking hearts
• Becoming a conspicuous representative of Jesus Christ.
• Not quitting when I’m not good at something.

I will strive to incorporate the following attributes into my life:
• Courage
• Humility
• Determination

I will constantly renew myself by focusing on the four dimensions of my life:

Physical-wake up at 6AM, dance/stretch 4 times a week, eat daily servings of fruits and vegetables

Spiritual-pray twice daily or more, read at least one chapter of scripture other than for school daily, attend the temple once a week

Mental-write out daily plans, remain organized, plan money

Social/Emotional-participate in ward activities, go on dates with my boyfriend, write missionaries on a regular basis, develop closer relationships with girls

Shoot to Kill.

Finally! I'm back in Provo. The drive was nice and I drove a lot of the way surprisingly.

Summer ended nicely. My friend Jeff from the singles ward in Houston took me out with some other kids the last night I was in town. We had a blast! Red Robin burgers are delicious. Games and Dave & Busters are awesome. The movie "Ponyo" is a definite recommend.


Now I'm on the hunt; for a job that is. Job searching discourages me. I feel so unqualified for most of the positions I want. I'm looking for more of a professional setting than a cafeteria and those jobs are much harder to come by on campus at BYU. My class schedule has been a major pain, but I can't fix it without dropping my major pre-requisites and I've got to get those finished!

Mom and I attended education week these past few days. It has been so enlightening and given me the spiritual invigoration I've needed lately. Every one here is so kind and tender hearted- truly "happy valley." I've followed through on the goals I made this year so far. It feels good to accomplish. It feels good to wake up at 6AM and go for a jog in the crisp air. It feels good to be closer to the Lord in the temple. It feels good to ponder and write. Life feels good. General life that is...not including love life.

I figured I'd bullet list things I learned this week whether they were my own impressions or teachers comments:

-Mercy: we don't get the punishment we deserve.
Grace: we receive blessings we do not deserve

-The light of Christ encourages us to remember the pre-mortal life and leads us to find the Holy Ghost.

-The Holy Ghost in turn leads us to make covenants.

-When we receive the gift of the Holy Ghost we are "united by priesthood ordinance with a god."

-God treats us as we have already been exhalted. That is His grace.

-Joseph Smith was born into a non-member family ;]

-"Christ saw sin as wrong but he realized that all sin springs from a deep unmet need." -Pres. Kimball

-Finite powers cannot comprehend infinite principles. Therefore, you cannot access that higher power without knowing it.

-God does not dwell in unholy temples but He does dwell in temples under construction!

-The atonement covers all. Not only our sins are as scarlett, our sorrows are too and may be made pure white through Christ's healing grace.

-Nature is a peaceful place because God created it. You cannot find that solace in a man-made edifice.

-Covenants made at baptism are just as eternal as those made in the temple.

-Sometimes the Lord puts us in peoples lives just to be there.

I know its a little scattered but those were some of my favorite things. It surprises me how my spirit can feel such peace but my mind is anxious and distressed. Does that ever stop?

Truths

I go through these awesome bouts of gratitude. A heart and mind of gratitude opens doors to unseen wisdom. More is appreciated and learned. AH! It is so great! I decided to just include random thoughts that I am grateful for.

Light.
Children, and some adults, are terrified of darkness. With no light, there is no for-warning of danger. I think that is the same reason so many people lack faith. They are afraid to give up the eyes of the world and learn from the feelings of eternity. The Lord guides us through promptings and impressions of the Spirit. "Tell me, I'll forget. Show me, I'll remember. Involve me, I'll understand." By stirring us with feelings, Heavenly Father involves us in the learning process. We can better comprehend his purposes. The temple is a light in my life. Temples are often referred to as "mountains of the Lord." On top of a mountain, you can see to such far reachings! I don't think the temple has opened my eyes to the eternities just yet, but it makes me feel more content with the inevitability of my potential. Light discerns truth. The stones used by the brother of Jared were refined and worked to a pure clear white. Only then did the Lord's finger fill them with light. "For we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do" (2 Nephi 25:23).


Plans.
I get frustrated so easily when I get stuck with a big group of people and there is no plan. We always end up watching a movie or something that is slightly boring. I let myself get frustrated with the Lord sometimes too because I just want to know what his plans are for me! EXACTLY! But...I forget that it is all in the Lord's timing. As much as it drives me crazy, I am so thankful to know that He has a plan, even if I might not know what it is. "All these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good" (D&C 122:7).


A Father.
My Dad is so gentle. I am proud to have such a righteous example of faith. I love being his daughter, learning from him, and observing his service in the church. Dad's determination to choose light over evil makes me realize something SO COOL- I am grateful to be a Daughter of God! WOWsuh. In the Pearl of Great Price the Lord affirms the truth that Moses is His son. Included at the beginning of each counsel the Lord reiterates, "thou art my son." Satan comes sneaking along and attempts to tempt Moses. But NO SIR! What does Moses say? "Who are thou? For behold I am a son of God...where is thy glory that I should worship thee?" Moses understood his personal worth to Heavenly Father and that knowledge revealed the lowliness of Satan. Its almost like he says, "Shoot fool. Do you think I'm that stupid? I know the being that loves me. I know the potential I have to become like Him. Where do you get off thinking that I would stoop to your level?" HA! In your face Satan!!






Melody.
Notes and rhythms sooth me. They give me drive and purpose. They give me focus and strength. Music grabs a hold of my spirit like nothing else. It can be a comfort and an excitement, a way into others lives. Harmony brings me closer to those I share it with. My home will be FULL of music, noooooo doubts about that.



Perspective.
In my freshman academy class my first semester at BYU I discovered that for man to have faith, he must have some assurance that his path is pleasing to Heavenly Father. I want to cultivate that sensitivity. I want that steady feeling that my choices are in line with His will. It has just been so hard to figure that out, BUT what I'm grateful for is the calming thought that (once again) even if I don't know the exact plan, I know He has one. I know I am meant to serve and share, to rear a family in joy and love. I just gotta figure out how to bring all of it about!!!


Rush.
I bore my testimony today. The adrenaline rush that comes from the Spirit sometimes is AweSOOME! My heart was pumping and my mouth was smiling! Sharing my affirmations of the hope of the gospel feels SO GOOD! I have a Book of Mormon in my car. I want to be prepared for the time that the Lord has someone that needs me.




This was a bit of a long post. BUT all is well. I love this gospel and I know so so surely that it is true, that the Savior is it's head. Joseph Smith restored it and brought the Book of Mormon to the Earth through translation of the plates. I know a simple prayer saved and will save so many. The hope of the Savior is a light in times of darkness and rescues from sorrow. The temple is a place of forevers. Families are instituted by God and were meant to help us along this trudge through mortality.

I am blessed.