Burn through

Holy cow! I burned through almost 100 pages of journal in only 3 months. I guess I had a lot to write about with Ryan coming into my life. That being said, I have no journal pages left but have things on my mind I want to write out. My blog gets the blunt of it all...

School.
This semester started off pretty rough. I felt like I couldn't handle my roles at work, school and my new role as a wife. Never before in my college career have I actually been on top of my homework. For some reason this semester, I felt it more important than ever to actually be able to in line with the syllabus schedule. I more a few things around and dropped down to 12 credits.

It has already been such a huge relief. For once I feel like I am enjoying my university education. For once I feel like I am actually making good use of tithing money.
I feel so blessed to hold such a precious gift--My education is funded by sacred money. That's pretty amazing. That thought makes me feel even more obligated to succeed.

Sociology has become one of my favorite courses. Socio 111 filled in blank spots in my Spring semester and Socio 112 has done the same for this semester. Although, they were both fill ins, I feel like I have gained so much insight in those classes. At some points in class discussion, I worry that I allow too much of "society" to effect me. It is so fascinating to me that even though the Lord gave us agency, because of the way society is organized and structured there are so many choices we think we're making...but we're really not. Weird right?

Work.
After being out for three weeks I was sooooo excited to get back to the office. When I got back, everything seemed to have spun out of control.

I guess as a manager (and maybe sometimes in my general life) I'm a control freak. I got back to the office and things weren't being done my way. I guess they were doing things the same way as always but I just hadn't been able to keep an eye on everything.

I love my job. The people I work with have become such good friends. I respect them all so much for their different talents and abilities. I love the chance I get to lead and the chance I get to learn how to lead. I love that I feel more prepared and comfortable in making my opinion known.

Love.
Wow. Everyday I am more amazed at how blessed I am just to have a husband. Not just any husband either- Ryan Packard.

Tonight I was working on homework at the kitchen table and he came up next to me, put his arms around me and kissed me on the forehead. He didn't let go for a while. He picked me up in his arms (like Daddy used to pick me up when I was little) and carried me over to the couch just so he could hold me.

My husband is a teacher. He allows to spirit to direct the way he approaches discussions. He is dedicated to family prayer and scripture study. He is worthy of and uses his priesthood authority in our home.

Ryan doesn't ever hesitate to show his love. He tells me every morning how beautiful I am. He writes sweet messages in my lunch every day. He speaks to me so gently.


Life.
When I think about all that I have been given, I recognize my potential. I also recognize that the Lord expects so much. I want to be the willing and faithful servant. I want to be trained in such a way that I am useful to the building up of the kingdom.

I know the Lord loves. I know He provides. I feel His presence in the programs, organizations and practices here at BYU and within the church. I know that agency was a special, special gift that I cannot yet comprehend the importance of. I love the Lord and His church.

I am grateful.