Fake out.

So as soon as my life starts to make me think its normal-SHAZAM. And I get whacked in the face. I had decided to go back to Utah at the end of this month. Mom and Dad left for California and I got a call from Old Navy and they want me to come interview. SO if I get the job there I'll be staying Houston until the end of summer. I hate when things are so up in the air. It makes me feel really anxious for some reason.

Fourth of July weekend was fun! Laura's birthday was the Thursday before so I went to Beaumont to party it up with girls and we had a blast! Then Laura came to town and she came to a bunch of ward activity stuff with me!





AH there is some other crazy stuff going on but maybe we'll save that for another day...A love that does not sacrifice never has the endurance sufficient to achieve a celestial union.


I started reading Sheri Dew's book "If Life were Easy it wouldn't be Hard." It has all the things I need to hear in it! She is so enlightening. I feel like I have so much to work on with my own personal security. "On this jaunt through mortality we've simply got to leave our baggage behind because our spiritual joints can't take the pounding." I need to work on dropping my baggage and letting that weight be lifted from my spirit. Starting anew...again. Let myself fly.

Cause I do not accept any less than something just as real as fabulous.

WHEW.

Summer is pretty killer. My life is still pretty dang boring...

Ethan's visit was great. He is such a good guy and really cares about his friends. I have no idea how he got so good at knowing what girls feel...it baffles me. We had a good time touring all the museum's and hanging with Katherine and Caroline.



I 'm so excited that I have two new nephews. Being home around some of the eleven makes me LOVE being an aunt. Its a good feeling when this adorable snotty nosed face cuddles and cries on you but refuses his grandma, or when this beautiful blossoming young girl sits on your closet and tells you how stylish you are. My nieces and nephews make me so excited to be a mom.



Speaking of mom, do you realize how amazing mine is? Thanks to her (with a little help from my dad) all of my siblings are beautiful, smart(sad to say most of that comes from dad ;]), and spiritual. However defined our differences are, I see so much of her in all of us.

A friend and I have taken a few classes from a dance studio here in Houston called Planet Funk. Its been kind of ammmmmazing. The choreography is fantastic. It makes my body feel so much better..I went to recital while Ethan was here and it made me ache for dance. BUT now my aches and pains have subsided. Its so nice to have something to be excited about.

Shnikies.

Its late. My mind is raging. There are so many thoughts rushing through it right now its giving me a pressure headache.

There are always to many sides to my life- my relationships. I don't think it was ever as simple as a square or triangle. Its complexity jumped straight to cubes and pyramids. I miss the days when life, thoughts, and worries were so plain. I miss feeling so concrete in my feelings. How did that so suddenly vanish? It makes me feel like a bad person.

I wonder what in my mind is erased when it has to make room for new information. What gets tucked away in some cabinet full of thoughts? I know there have been times when I need access to those filing drawers but that key has been long since discarded.

Attempts at words to describe thought makes it easier to sort things out. My knotted yarn ball I've talked about is back again...

Ethan came to visit FINALLY. I haven't seen him in two years. Its crazy to me how well he knows me. I've really needed a best friend lately and he's been there for that.

Update

Its been a while. Sorry about that.

So...I've been home for a few weeks now. I have no life, friends, or job. The lack of such causes me to miss my dear Brennen sooo much more because I have NOTHING to distract me. But I did get to hear his sweet voice on mother's day and BOY did that feel good! I got to cuddle with his adorable nephew Nolan while I waited to get my turn alone with Brennen.


This last weekend we traveled to Mimi's for her graduation. I am constantly awed by my sisters abilities. Erin is so calm and collected when everything(children in particular) has fallen to chaos. She commands respect but without harsh words or a raised voice- with love. Mimi is so enlightening. Her laugh FILLS me with joy. It really is contagious. Her bright smile is sincere. I love my sisters and the examples they are to me.


I love this world! It was so beautiful outside today! I wish we didn't have to be so smooshed in the car...I would have loved to go for a long walk.


The Emma Smith soundtrack uplifts me. I love how music can do that even without words. I want to be as un-faltering in my love for my future husband as Emma was. I used to have a really hard time understanding how she could go astray from the church. I know I don't have to understand her exact reasons now and I can respect her for the Elect lady she was. I want to emulate that.

Maybe I should start my refinement by shaving my armpits ;]

OH and I forgot!!!!!!!!! Go to this link. I met this kid and he is super cool!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rzl05ZJ4O7s&feature=channel_page

A new HSM3

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Here I come!

Oh my goodness! Today was my last day of classes! It is so crazy to me that I have almost completed an entire year of college. I'm SOOOO excited for summer and to be with family and friends again. I miss home!

Our closing social was last Thursday. It was a blast! J-dawgs catered, we watched a slideshow of all of our ward pictures, and then we played Survivor games. It got pretty messy...especially when 3 or 4 of the boys threw up in the parking lot. Then Friday night I went out with one of David's MTC companions. We went to a B league basketball game! It was a blast! He is a way fun guy and we talk ALOT! Saturday was crazy busy. I went and watched the final concert for the Ballroom company for my friend Taylor. It was FANTASTIC! Ballroom looks like so much fun. I hope I get to take some before I'm done here at BYU.

I registered for fall semester classes yesterday. I'm taking Portuguese! Brennen will be so excited!! I got an AWESOME letter from him yesterday...with FIVE pictures! I love one valiant, energized young man. ANYWAYS classes...I'll be finishing my major pre-requisites so I can apply to the Public Relations major in the winter. I really wanted to take the floral design class but it didn't fit my hours. I know Mom would have been jealous.

Tomorrow is my last day of work and I'm PUMPED. Not to be poor again...but to have more time to play/sleep. I have lots of studying to do for finals and I need to start figuring my packing...

Sometimes I just have these random impressions. The church is SOO true!! I wish I had better words and courage to relay that message to EVERYONE! I know people would realize the peace and happiness that comes from the love of the Savior so quickly if they would simply try living it. I know how important we are to Him and that everything that happens, every insecurity we feel, can be bolstered, strengthened by love and knowledge of His plan for us.

Blessed

MAN lately I have felt so abundantly blessed. I don't know what it is but I just know that the Lord has given me so much! "Happy is a grateful heart." Its hard to remember how awesome trials are when they are happening. Sometimes I just feel like "geez, haven't I had enough happen this year?" But I always end up feeling so LOVED because of it! I have learned so much because of how hard I've had it! And ya know, I complain a lot...but I don't even have it that hard! I'm just a big pansy and the Lord has to toughen me up.

I am blessed with a body that moves and loves music.



a righteous gatherer of Israel for a never-ceasing best friend.



a sturdy family that lifts and inspires me.



an amazing ward full of the COOLEST most caring college kids ever.



to have all that I need and more.



the ability to work.


the opportunity to be pushed down but helped back up again.



The Lord will never let you fall any further than your knees. He may heal the wounds, but He leaves us scars to remember Him by. The scars are a beautiful thing.

Can I just say, Music is so touching. If you let it, I know it can literally move anyone to feel the Spirit.