Couple Blog

Hey everyone...

I started a blog to "track" Ryan and I's new life together. Its simple...but hopefully it will grow just like our love.

http://trackingpack.blogspot.com/

Burn through

Holy cow! I burned through almost 100 pages of journal in only 3 months. I guess I had a lot to write about with Ryan coming into my life. That being said, I have no journal pages left but have things on my mind I want to write out. My blog gets the blunt of it all...

School.
This semester started off pretty rough. I felt like I couldn't handle my roles at work, school and my new role as a wife. Never before in my college career have I actually been on top of my homework. For some reason this semester, I felt it more important than ever to actually be able to in line with the syllabus schedule. I more a few things around and dropped down to 12 credits.

It has already been such a huge relief. For once I feel like I am enjoying my university education. For once I feel like I am actually making good use of tithing money.
I feel so blessed to hold such a precious gift--My education is funded by sacred money. That's pretty amazing. That thought makes me feel even more obligated to succeed.

Sociology has become one of my favorite courses. Socio 111 filled in blank spots in my Spring semester and Socio 112 has done the same for this semester. Although, they were both fill ins, I feel like I have gained so much insight in those classes. At some points in class discussion, I worry that I allow too much of "society" to effect me. It is so fascinating to me that even though the Lord gave us agency, because of the way society is organized and structured there are so many choices we think we're making...but we're really not. Weird right?

Work.
After being out for three weeks I was sooooo excited to get back to the office. When I got back, everything seemed to have spun out of control.

I guess as a manager (and maybe sometimes in my general life) I'm a control freak. I got back to the office and things weren't being done my way. I guess they were doing things the same way as always but I just hadn't been able to keep an eye on everything.

I love my job. The people I work with have become such good friends. I respect them all so much for their different talents and abilities. I love the chance I get to lead and the chance I get to learn how to lead. I love that I feel more prepared and comfortable in making my opinion known.

Love.
Wow. Everyday I am more amazed at how blessed I am just to have a husband. Not just any husband either- Ryan Packard.

Tonight I was working on homework at the kitchen table and he came up next to me, put his arms around me and kissed me on the forehead. He didn't let go for a while. He picked me up in his arms (like Daddy used to pick me up when I was little) and carried me over to the couch just so he could hold me.

My husband is a teacher. He allows to spirit to direct the way he approaches discussions. He is dedicated to family prayer and scripture study. He is worthy of and uses his priesthood authority in our home.

Ryan doesn't ever hesitate to show his love. He tells me every morning how beautiful I am. He writes sweet messages in my lunch every day. He speaks to me so gently.


Life.
When I think about all that I have been given, I recognize my potential. I also recognize that the Lord expects so much. I want to be the willing and faithful servant. I want to be trained in such a way that I am useful to the building up of the kingdom.

I know the Lord loves. I know He provides. I feel His presence in the programs, organizations and practices here at BYU and within the church. I know that agency was a special, special gift that I cannot yet comprehend the importance of. I love the Lord and His church.

I am grateful.

Moon, ocean, heart.

Honeymoon.

Sunday after all of the wedding festivities we flew out to Cozumel. Holy cow was it gorgeous. Our resort was all inclusive and the food was fantastic.

The water, clear and blue. The waves, slow and calming. The sun, warm and toasting.



There is just something about a beach that is so different. Its not that its romantic but it puts everything else beside. You just want to lay in the sun and fall asleep.

My sisters are expecting juicy details but there won't be any. Sorry...there will be none. ;)
I will say that I loved having a DVD player in our room. We cuddled every night and fell asleep to a movie. Court Jester is def a new favorite of mine. Brecken....nice ring to it eh?

Its probably strange to say but I think we were really ready to get back to real life. We were so excited to start living it together.

Life.

The drive to Utah was boring as usual. The first week of school stressed me to the bone with work, homework, and trying my best to be the little wifey I wanted to be. I've had to realize that things will come with time. Right now, life has too much going on. We're finally starting to settle in and I'm finally feeling okay with our routine. We have long days but at least we get to come home to each other.

Ryan has already brought the strength of the spirit into our home. Counseling with my husband is fun and reassuring. We are doing are best to reach the goals that we have set for our tiny new family. Slowly, we learn about one another. Slowly, I am becoming to rely more on him for my world. These past few weeks haven't been the bliss I expected but they have taught me so many good things and I feel bliss in all of that knowledge.

My husband loves. My husband is the joy behind my smile. My husband fills in all of my many gaps.

I love you Ryan Packard.

Love,
Mrs. Packard

Here are a few pictures of the beginnings of our little house.

Honey, suga, life.

Sorry guys. I know its been a while. Life has kinda of taken me by the reigns lately.

I finally got married. We had to kind of jump right back into things. Ryan I had little time to adjust to our new life together. That's my excuse for being so behind on updates.

The Day.
Before, everyone told me that no matter what you do, you will have some regrets about the way you did your wedding. I don't have those. My big day was a perfect day.

Kneeling across from the man of my dreams in the House of the Lord--what could be better. That was the sweetest experience of my life. We both got dressed after the ceremony but sat in the temple writing down our feelings before we went outside to meet everyone. Mandi had done my flowers in a frantic the night before and they were beautiful, exactly what I wanted.

Going outside was a bit of a rush. Strange though, that I felt so completely calm inside knowing I had Ryan by my side and that he would be there forever.

I think one of the greatest blessings of that day was having all of my wonderfully beautiful siblings there. I couldn't have asked for something more special or eternal. Over the past few years my family has grown so near and dear to my heart. More so than I think I would've imagined.

We fried outside in the sun taking pictures then hurried to the luncheon.

We got to the reception hall early and it looked perfect. It was so beautiful, my fairytale. Guest started arriving and greeting them felt so good to say "this is my husband." We had a blast dancing and I loved watching little Gavin boy drop it like its hot.

At the end of the night I was so ready to just be with Ryan, to have him all to myself. The next day was just as hectic with the open house.

Soft as mud...

Life, Love-its been a crazy ride lately.

I haven't had much time to write in my journal lately. So this post will serve as a tiny update...

School is same ole' same ole'- thank goodness the semester is almost over.
Work is a little more exciting because a ton of neat new phones are being released. Hello iPhone 4 and Evo has got me hooked.


I'm sure mostly anyone who reads my blog will know buuuut I am engaged! Wow. Crazy right? Crazy exciting is what you better be thinking because oh boy it is. I never thought things would happen the way they have. My life molded itself so much differently than I expected-and I am so happy it did.

Ryan, oh Ryan.

You swept me off my feet. I love your sweet little rhymes that you write for all of your schemes. I love that you bought me an entire bag of Sonic ice because I was craving it one night. I love that you sing-sing-and sing some more. I love that you make me better without even trying and that you don't judge. I love that you came to the temple with me on my birthday and that we can share those quiet moments.



You just love and it amazes me. You are kind and gentle. Your smile calms. Your strong hands make me feel safe and needed at the same time. You reassure me in my insecurities. The Lord is your priority and it shows in the way you care for everyone around you. Family is your heart and you work so hard to make sure you're a good older brother.

You're it baby. It hit me hard and it hit me quick. I am so excited to be your wife.

A body of heart.

This week-oh, this week. Never thought so much could happen in such a short period of time!

It seems that at this point in my life that everything pivots-churning my future possibilities. No need to go into detail, but I'll say that I was completely content-until lightening of love cracked and the thunder of worry shook. Yieee.

Thursday, I skipped class and went to the temple, looking for solace and the voice of the Lord. I was blessed to have quite a few family names that Dad had sent me and I was shipped to the front of the line. For those of you who don't know, the Provo temple is the busiest in the world. Usually, it takes at least two hours to do baptism and confirmations for only three names. I guess when you have family names though, its a different story. I didn't even get a chance to sit and think. Don't get me wrong, the temple ALWAYS brings a calmness. This time it did too. I just wish I would've had more of a chance to get my head straight.

Tonight, left alone to download heaps of music, my body felt a familiar ache. So I went to the dance studio. I feel renewed. Light; as if a balloon in my back eased out all of the air pressuring me. I love to watch every inch of my body sustain through the music; inch by inch by inch. My thoughts burst through my finger tips.
I may lose my mind; but dance always finds my heart and soul.


End Note:
General Conference is this weekend. We are so blessed to have a prophet on the Earth. I know that this weekend will be full of revelation and goodness. Hope you all tune in. Check out---www.lds.org---for some info and highlights.

Business Time.

Okay, so the title of this post may remind you of a clever song by Flight of the Concords. However, that is not its intended meaning.

A few months ago, I was promoted to be the student manager at work. The job entails a lot. I am in charge of pretty much everything that goes on in our office; making sure everything is run efficiently, customers are happy, and we're not costing people hundreds of dollars. I also get to interview and hire people. I was promoted a few days before we began looking for a new employee and it was scary to me to have to judge someone like that; to discern how their character would function in the workplace. I ended up somehow (probably by the grace of the Holy Ghost) hiring a FANTASTIC guy! He has been spectacular! However, our last seasoned veteran of the office was just elected to be a BYUSA officer, deeming him unable to work on campus.That means I have to start the hiring process all over again, adding even more things to my busy schedule like reading over resumes' and interviewing.

I love my job so much. I enjoy learning about business and they way large "corporations" work internally. The professional world has become a comfortable place for me. I understand when it is appropriate to joke and when work needs to get done. I love being important and in charge. I think I function better that way...it doesn't hurt that the people I work with make me soooo happy!

Other than work, life is pretty mediocre. I go to school, work, then home for homework. Some dance I go pound out on the floor of the dance studio or run on the quiet nature trails by the river. My mind is constantly running. I have little time to sit in quiet--even when I do my mind is ever racing.

Saturday I got to go to the temple. The temple always allows me to get my thoughts in order. I still think about all I was thinking before, but in the temple I can sort those thoughts. That organization in my brain brings me peace.

I love life and the beautiful spring weather we have had lately. Being outside without goosebumps is a GREAT feeling.

Shiny like Sterling silver....

Last semester in my media writing class, I had to choose an person I thought was interesting and write a paper about them. I chose one of the other students that works in the BYU Cell Phone Office with me- Sterling May. We stayed after work for an hour or so and I grilled him about his life.

I was so impressed by his willingness and excitement to make people feel cared for. He always has a smile on his face. He always tries his best to put a smile on yours.

In our interview he talked about his older sister Elyse May. He said she was his inspiration and that "she just has this fire about her." Little does he realize he has a fire himself. Driven to serve, excited to care, Sterling continues to impress me with character and spirit.

He loves the Lord and shares that through his service. I so respect him and feel blessed to have been able to work so closely with him the last few months. I have enjoyed getting to know him and watching stupid youtube videos with him. He is clever and jolly and is running for BYUSA vice president with his friend Chris Peterson.

Vote for Sterling and Chris. They want you to Make BYU Yours.

The Spirit of Love

Valentines Day.

I was dreading this day. Previous to this weekend I decided to boycott chick-flicks. I refused to be depressed because I missed Brennen. I was alone and didn't have anyone to share this day of love with. Yesterday, my heart changed. Brennen is so amazing. He has been my best friend for almost 8 years now. I am in awe that he still loves me so much. He continues to tell me that I am his drive; my testimony pushes him to serve. I feel the exact opposite. He is my inspiration and drive to learn more about my Savior. His fire and desire to be "energized" lights a bonfire in my heart ;]

He is clever...found a way to send me flowers all the way from Brazil...I love him so.



My new roomate Alicia is from Spain and has not yet been baptized. She has taken quite a few lessons from the missionaries. She knows that the Book of Mormon is true and Joseph Smith was a prophet. The only thing she is afraid of is that she doesn't know if President Monson is a prophet. She has been praying so hard. I am so impressed by her courage. She came to a place where she cannot communicate the way she feels. She is bold enough to ask hard questions. She is beautiful and gracious. I know the Lord will answer her prayers because she is patient, willing ready to accept His will.

It is so wonderful to have the missionaries in our home. They really do bring the spirit in. It is so cool because neither of the elders speak Spanish but because of the spirit they have been able to communicate well. I LOVE IT! I feel inspired when they teach. Scriptures come to mind...I love listening to Spanish. Its a beautiful language =)

Singles Awareness Day turned out to be a pretty fabulous sabbath day. Not only was I super jolly, it was absolutely GORGEOUS outside! The sun was shining and it was gloriuously warm =) I love the earth.

It didn't hurt that we had a thousand and one treats get dropped off at our apartment today!

Newness

So, I haven't posted in a while. I guess I just haven't had anything profound or exciting to say. My life is just being lived- no adventurous hiking or spontaneous drives to Las Vegas.

I been fairly content with my plot in life lately. There have been a few days when I pretty sure the world hates my soul, but I've gotten over it. I'm coming to feel more and more comfortable with myself. I am realizing what makes me me. I love looking out windows to see a bright sky, stormy clouds, brilliant rays of sunlight or twinkling flakes of snow. I love having a body that moves according to the emotions and desires of my spirit. I love finally having a girl-friend I am close with-that I can talk to without words. I love laughter, especially when there is no real reason for it. I love my Savior and that even when I am distant from Him, He is never distant from me.

It feels so good to be able to dance again. I got a gym membership and I go in the studio whenever I get the chance. Dance defines a part of me. I don't feel quite complete without it-without music moving my soul.

I applied to my major last week. I still have two steps to finish before I actually get into the program BUT hopefully...I can handle it if I don't get in..I'm pretty nervous.

I forgot I did a photoshoot with one of my friends Saturday. It was really fun but I felt a little silly trying to be cool and model-like







His name is Devin and you can check out the rest of his work on his website www.capturedbydash.com